Quotes & Sayings

Hilarious Quotes is one of the most popular categories on the Quotes & Sayings website. It goes without saying that everyone enjoys having a good laugh and sure as the day is light you will find plently of quotes to follow that should start you off…

“A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools”
Quote by Douglas Adams

“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there”
George Burns saying

“An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her”
Agatha Christie quotation

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception”
Hilarious quote by Groucho Marx

“Always remember that true beauty comes from within — from within bottles, jars, compacts, and tubes”
Hilarious quote by Peter’s Almanac

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes”
Frieda Norris saying

“It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate”
Dave Barry saying

“This woman did not fly to extremes; she lived there”
Quote by Quentin Crisp

“Committee – a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours”
M. Berle quote

“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work”
Robert Orben

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific”
Lily Tomlin saying

“I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants”
Quote by A. Whitney Brown

“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own”

Les Dawson quote

“If at first you do not succeed, then skydiving is surely not meant for you”
Author Unknown

“If you can’t go over it or through it, you’d better negotiate with it”
Ashleigh Brilliant quotation

“I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown”
Woody Allen quote

“I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want—an adorable pancreas?”
Jean Kerr hilarious quotation

“Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos”
Homer Simpson hilarious quote to his daughter

“Look how often the unexpected happens — yet we still never expect it”
Ashleigh Brilliant

“Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage”

Ambrose Bierce saying

“Nobody goes where the crowds are anymore. It’s too crowded”
Yogi Berra quote

“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important”

Famous hilarious quote by Bertrand Russell

“No, I don’t have a solution, but I certainly admire the problem”
Ashleigh Brilliant quote

“Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like”
Adrienne Gusoff quotation

“Strike while your employer has a big contract”
Author Unknown

“Tact is the art of making guests feel at home when that’s really where you wish they were”
George E. Bergman hilarious quote

“The conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking”

Arthur Bloc

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe”

Albert Einstein’s hilarious quotation

“Why is it when we talk to God we’re praying, but when God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic?”
Lily Tomlin

“You have to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going because you might not get there”
Yogi Berra quote

“He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house”
Zsa Zsa Gabor hilarious quote