Witty Sayings
Witty Sayings are a great way to raise a smile (and boost your credibility!) and are usually accepted with a compliment if timed correctly. To follow is a selection of witty sayings that are both clever, funny and easy to remember. Witty sayings for Facebook are also becoming hugely popular reason for using this page so feel free to copy these across for your daily social updates!
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You can’t be late until you show up.
It is a cliche that most cliches are true, but then like most cliches, that cliche is untrue
When given a choice, people will always do the dumbest thing under the circumstances.
House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.
The words “My” “Rash” “See” and “Wanna” don’t go well together in a sentence.
I don’t watch television, I think it destroys the art of talking about oneself.
My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions?
I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
It’s your god. They’re your rules. *You* go to hell.
I don’t at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited.
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.
An original idea. That can’t be too hard. The library must be full of them.
If you think things can’t get worse it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
People who habitually give advice are the worst people to take advice from.
I think we have all experienced passion that is not in any sense reasonable.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
The problem with America is stupidity. I’m not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
Therefore: The larger the number of people, the stupider the resultant decisions and actions (congress anyone?)
Never ever go first.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Those who never take anything too seriously have a distinct advantage over those who do.
When being stalked by an angry mob with raspberries, the first thing to do is to release a tiger. (Monty Python)
Rain on your wedding day is NOT ironic unless you’re made of sugar.
Never take yourself too seriously, and mock those who do.
You can’t reason yourself back into cheerfulness any more than you can reason yourself into an extra six inches in height.
Also be sure to mock people who take themselves too seriously.
The more you understand, the crazier you get.
Bad losers make worse winners.
The quickest way to make someone ignore you is to start a sentence with “You should …”
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
If you insist on getting your way often enough, pretty soon you won’t have to argue with anyone about it anymore.
If “obscene” words were made a part of common everyday language, after a week, no one would care anymore.
Love is like pi – natural, irrational, and very important.
Peoples’ names should not be verbs or adjectives.
There’s nothing wrong with the world that shooting 99% of the population wouldn’t cure.
All indicators show that the human race is selectively breeding itself for stupidity.
After two weeks, a new batch of “obscene” words will have been invented.
Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken!
Answering Machine Saying: Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Recent search terms
- clever sayings for facebook
- witty sayings about life
- witty quotes for facebook
- witty facebook sayings
- clever facebook sayings
- facebook sayings about life
- ironic sayings about life
- witty sayings about women
- sayings
- life sayings for facebook
No related posts.
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
Posted December 28, 2008 by admin under Witty Sayings
